


God's Plan

by kiriya



Series: Post-Series Xing Collection (Starring Greed) [5]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Gen, Greed & Lan Fan: Thot Patrol, Greed Is Human, Greed is Alive, Multi, Separate bodies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-06
Updated: 2018-07-06
Packaged: 2019-05-25 21:54:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14986403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiriya/pseuds/kiriya
Summary: Greed pretends to be Emperor Yao. He and Lan Fan sort through suitors.





	God's Plan

**Author's Note:**

> this work is part of a series, please read the others!

“Sun Kwon,” a scribe declared, reading off a scroll. 

The loud declaration reverberated through the chasmic throne room. Greed sat reclined on the throne of Xing, draped in the ornamental dress of Ling’s office. The clothes were thick and barely breathable, ill-fitted towards Xing’s humid weather. Greed scratched at his hair line. The hat he was wearing itched, and the hard seat of the throne was making his ass sore. 

_I want to rule the world_ , Greed thought contemptuously. He could barely stand ruling a country on the occasions he was called to do so. Though Greed was ambitious and cunning like any good king should be, he didn’t have the patience for the politics and the mundane tasks that came with Ling’s office.

“Sit up straight,” Lan Fan said at his right. She stood straight as a rod, hands behind her back and chin held high. 

She’s out of uniform, wearing colorful robes that show the power of her office through their opulence. Servant women have done her hair: it’s down behind her shoulders, and her bangs have been pinned back. The first robe is white with a high neck line with high-waisted, deeply-pleated pants and a thin orange sash at the waist. Above that ensemble is a thinner, fancier robe that matches the belt, tangerine-colored and embroidered with golden leaves. There are turquoise tassels on her lapels with the symbol of The Imperial Guard.

“How are you not sweating balls right now?” Greed asks in Amestrian, tugging at his collar. It was too tight around his neck and was creating chaff and sweat (the later of which was a new experience for him). Greed’s also never worn an outfit this disgustingly bright. 

“Quiet,” Lan Fan orders. “You will give away you’re not The Emperor.”

“You started it,” Greed replies, sitting up a little more as the Kwon woman approaches the throne. 

She hangs her head and gets down on one knee. Her hair is fastened with ornaments in a style Greed can’t name, and her fuchsia _bien fu_ is humble compared to Lan Fan’s _kosode._

“Sun is the tenth daughter of the Kwon clan. As well as her hand in marriage, the Kwon clan offers eight hundred eighty eight thousand wen.”

“Next,” Greed calls out in Xingese. This morning, Alphonse and Mei made him repeat the word fifty times until it sounded somewhat native. 

So far, no one seemed skeptical (or they were too scared to ask questions). This morning, Lan Fan appeared at his bedside. told him She told Ling had eaten too much at the feast the last night welcoming the ambassadors from the clans offering suitors and now he was too sick to fulfill his duties. Greed called bullshit, but reluctantly obliged. 

_If I died for the bastard, I can do this_ , he coached himself. Greed could practically hear Ling’s fake-cheery voice in his head begging him to do it. His only public appearance today involved sitting in a chair and saying one word (Last time, Greed wrote everything down for Lan Fan to say. Their excuse was that the Emperor had taken a brief vow of silence). 

The young woman bows and thanks him in Xingese. The scribe calls out the next name, “Xiu Huang!” 

“Can you please take this seriously?” Lan Fan chastises, making Greed roll his eyes. “You’re supposed to be making a genuine effort to find worthy suitors for The Emperor.”

“Are you fucking shitting me? I don’t even know what this guy is saying.”

“Watch your tone. People are watching us.” 

“Cut me me a fucking break.”

“All you do ‘break.’” 

It was true. After coming back from the dead, Greed didn’t have much of purpose. All of his friends had goals and responsibilities, and he had nothing. So, Greed, as restless as ever, did what he always did: fuck women and drink booze, annoying his friends whenever they weren’t tangled with human concerns. Fuck, he thought. Just his obsession with having a purpose so just so nausingately human of him. 

Greed huffs, annoyed. “Listen, kid, If Ling really cared about having an empress, he’d come pick one himself.”

“Perhaps he trusts the good taste you so often brag of.” 

Greed scoffs, amused. He savors the rare moments in which Lan Fan makes jokes. “Yeah, perhaps.”

The scribe interjects again, making him sit up a little more and attempt to look regal. “Xiu is Huang nobility. She is the only daughter of the chief’s eldest brother. In addition to her hand in her marriage, The Huang’s will end their feud with the Chang’s and the Zhen’s.” 

“Next,” Greed says again. Greed turns back to Lan Fan, whose cheeks are starting to show some color. Greed usually gets uncomfortable when human have emotions in front of him, but on Lan Fan, who tries so hard to be indifferent, he finds them endearing. 

Perhaps they both need to embrace being human, Greed thinks. Lan Fan tries to lock away the range of human emotions for the sake of her work. Greed hates being alive, but he knows he can’t think that way forever. Greed’s a go-getter, wallowing in self-pity isn’t his style. 

“The Emperor would have wanted to you consider that offer,” Lan Fan says. “It’s his duty-” 

“To what? Produce heirs? He has plenty of time for that. Trust me, I know what the brat wants. I shared a body with him for a half a year, I know him better than you do.”

_“You do NOT—“_

The scribe interjects again, asking something in Xingese with what sounds like concern before calling the next suitor. Greed and Lan Fan exchange looks. Lan Fan mouths something to him, but Greed doesn’t understand what it is. The wheels in Greed’s brain that know Xingese slowly come to life and turn for a few moments before he hopes for the best and says, _“…Yes.”_

The scribe mutters something else to himself and reads the next name off the list. 

“The Emperor’s not like us, sis. You and I, we know how the fucking world works. But the brat’s a romantic. You know what’s more important to him than his country?”

“Nothing,” Lan Fan contends. 

“You,” Greed insists, making her go still. “How many times did he almost die for you in Amestris? If he thought his life, his country, was more important, he would have left you to Wrath, but he didn’t. He wanted to save you. And he’d do it again” 

“You’re wrong,” Lan Fan says. Pink lingers on her cheeks from before. “It’s not about me, it’s about his principles. A ruler is nothing without his people; The Emperor despises the noblemen who thoughtlessly let their subjects die for their own gain.”

Greed doesn’t even look at the next noblewoman before dismissing her. Greed continues after the scribe calls a new suitor. They’re on the twelfth now. 

“Ling’s an idealist. Look at what Ling’s doing now, trying to change the country and make everyone play nice. Do you know what he told me when we shared a body?” 

“What?” 

“I told him I wanted the world, and he promised me an empire. He said we’d rule this kingdom together.” 

“Yes. He told me. Once you passed… ” 

“Ling could have used The Philosopher’s Stone to help the country, but do you know what he did instead? He brought me back. Ling’s greedy. He believed he could protect you and still rule the country. He thought he could rule with a demon at his side. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

“No.” 

“The kid wants it all, sweetheart,” Greed says, looking down at the next girl on her knees. “He wants to rule the country and be with who he loves.”

**Author's Note:**

> SHE DAY DO YOU LOVE ME I TELL HER ONLY PARTLY I ONLY LOVE MY GUARD AND MY HOMUNCULUS I'M SORRY 
> 
> //JOKE
> 
> comments and kudos appreciated.


End file.
